Friend With Benefits Wants Commitment


Question:
I've been in an 'fwb' (Friends with benefits) situation with a guy for about 4 years. We get all hot and heavy for awhile, but then cool off...and the cycle continues.  (We got together a couple weeks ago after not seeing each other for over a year.  And I don't sleep around.  He is actually the only guy I have slept with in the past 2 years, once last year, once this year).
The first night we hook-up after being apart, he always starts talking about having babies and us getting married, and I start thinking about the 'maybes'. But the next time we talk he says he can't remember saying anything. I feel stupid because I really want all that from him, and I know I'm never going to get it. We've known each other for 15 years and he really is the man of my dreams. 
Is there a way to separate sex and my feelings for him?

My Reply:
Wait a minute...in one sentence you said he's the man of your dreams, but in a previous sentence you said he basically lied by saying he never said something that you're sure he said. So the man of your dreams is a liar?
You sound confused, and I think your emotions for him are leading you blind. If a close friend of yours was in this situation, and she came to you for advice, what would you say to her? And be honest, because it sounds like though you obviously really like him and want a commitment with him, he doesn't, and is really only saying it when things heat up.
My advice to you (because it seems you're asking for some), is to stop looking at the maybes, since you seem to be the only one thinking about them. If the maybes will turn into definites, then they'll either have to take a lot of time with this fellow before they change, or they'll have to be with somebody else who wants the same, and doesn't play you for a fool each time things get heavy.

---Pastor Andy
Post a Comment