Buying A Coat for Chicago Winter?

Question:
I am moving to Chicago soon, and my friend who already lives there advised me to only buy a Northface coat- she says any other coat, even though it has a down filling and feathers, will not be good enough. Any suggestions to if she is right or what other coats can I wear? I saw a nice Calvin Klein coat that looked warm but she thinks I will freeze to death in it. Is she right?

My Reply:
I've lived in Chicago most of my life…some winter days will get really cold, some not so bad, but your friend's probably cautioning you for the worst (or really bad for somebody used to warm weather).
I'm not too familiar with Northface, but I hear they're pretty good...and expensive!  I bought a really nice down coat from Old Navy a few years back for a good price, and it's still a great coat.
Either way, though it does have to do with the coat, the secret to keeping warm in Chicago mostly has to do with learning to dress in layers. When I say layers, I mean a tucked-in, skin-tight shirt, another tucked-in shirt over that, sweater over that, sweatshirt, turtleneck, or hoodie over that, then the heavy coat. For your lower body, wear 2 pairs of socks and long underwear under your jeans. It’s also good to buy gloves a little bigger than your hands so you may put those knit, 1-size fits all-gloves under them (one winter, I even lined my pockets with plastic sandwich bags to help block the wind)! Buy a scarf and/or performance face-mask, and a hat.
When looking for that heavy coat, be sure to buy one with a fleece—insulated hood.  Long coats, or the kind that come just below your butt, are nice, too, for they help to block the heavy winds. And you want it to zip up to your chin. A good coat to shield you from the wind-chill is one with some sort of plastic-like coating…something that will keep the wind from penetrating the coat...wool works well, also.

Honestly, I'm not trying to scare you, but I'm also not exaggerating here.  Some DAYS really do get down to -20 F with a colder wind-chill (what the wind feels like when it hits your skin). I once stepped off a curb to cross the street and I felt like my kneecap was going to shatter, it was so cold.

If you don't buy it online, then in order to buy a good coat for really cold weather, you’d be better off buying one when you get there.

---Pastor Andy

I found some coats on Amazon worth checking into, and that would DEFINITELY help you survive Chicago winters:

         

   

Waiting For That One Guy

Picture Courtesy of...

Question:

I'm 17 and have been waiting for that one guy to lose my virginity to.

I dated a guy for three years and just wasn't ready yet or, comfortable enough to go any further, so he broke up with me…typical guy. Anyway I am now dating a guy who I have never felt so comfortable with and I do love him and want to further our relationship. But I've scared myself to death about sex. I'm just scared of the pain that comes with it, I guess you could say. I have eight tattoos and if I think that hurts pretty bad…you think I'd think sex would? People say it's horrible and it hurts but is it really that bad the first time? What should I expect my first time? Is it a pain that I can stand? And I'm totally clueless when it comes to this sex thing. I am a virgin, and at my age that's not very common, ha. I've talked to my boyfriend about how scared I am, and he always says we can wait and he's totally fine with that. I'm willing to wait as well, but it's going to happen sometime...so your help and advice is greatly appreciated!

My Reply:

First, I'd like to congratulate you for holding off from having sex for this long...you're right, virginity among teens is rare today. And good job on holding out on the last guy.
Here's what I'm thinking. Your current boyfriend is willing to wait, but you're freaked out. But why bother thinking about it now? You dated the last guy for 3 years and never had sex. You've just started dating this guy, so what's the rush?
I'd like to suggest another rarity: why not hold off until you're married? Seriously!  I mean hey, you want it to be special and with the man you love, right?  So who better to save your first time than the one you want to grow old with?  And if it's this guy, then waiting until the wedding night will be even more special. But if God forbid he's not the guy, then wouldn't it be nice to know you saved it for your husband?

---Pastor Andy

I Feel Like I'm Wasting Away

Picture courtesy of...

Dear Pastor Andy, I feel like I'm wasting away my youth/20s, and need advice on how to live it in a more fulfilling way.

OK, this is going to be lengthy. If you get to the end of this and proceed to give me some advice I would like to thank you very much. 

So the story is I'm a 21 year old woman who's gone through some pretty tough times. I was the slightly chubby and extremely awkward girl who had a very difficult time going through puberty. I tried to get over that and spent 2 years of my life (from 14-16) devoted to school. I would call that period in my life achievement #1 . I am probably most proud of myself when considering ambition and drive. It was a thrilling intellectual journey although socially unfulfilling. 
Achievement #2 happened probably from when I was 15 to late 16. I gained more confidence about myself than I ever had before and I finally formed a social group. It was probably one of the happiest moments of my life, having friends and feeling at least comfortable with my looks and etc.
The dark parts happened afterwards and since then I would relate that to being caught in a dark and turbulent tornado, excuse the dramatics but thats really how it was. The truth is I developed a very embarrassing condition in which I was unable to control my flatulence. I attribute all the misgivings from my depression to my suicidal thoughts to my anxiety attack and the pushing away of family, friends, and etc to this very problem. I would go deeper into my sob story but then that would require me to write a novel. 
I know that what I have gone through was necessary, but I do regret spending the those years in which I should've been crazy and living it up... 18, 19, 20, and 21...miserable, depressed, detached and etc etc etc. I have sought help and while I have not been able to figure out exactly what is medically wrong with me, I have somewhat sort of reclaimed enough control where I am able to go to school without too much fear again. Socially though, this mysterious medical problem has left me mentally very weak and worn. I have had to reclaim all those simple things I used to take for granted...like looking people in the eye, or looking your own mother in the eye or making casual conversation with the cashier...or enjoying outings with your friends. Or even feeling relaxed and safe in your own home. I feel tired and sorry that I had to spend all that time so tormented.
My 22nd birthday is approaching and before I know it I'll be 30 and then i'll be 35, 40. I'll wake up one day and there it is. Retirement. I don't want to become an old lady who has spent the majority of her life awkward and miserable. Putting this strange medical problem of mine aside, I really just want a few suggestions on trying to prevent this regret that might creep up on me later in life. 
On a lighter note, there might be an achievement #3. I defied my parents and went to art school. It hasn't really given me or anyone else real fulfillment yet but it's a possibility. If I could take this further and make this a full fledged achievement I would try to create a story or a movie that would move or inspire people in a deep way.
They say you can't have it all, so maybe I'm being greedy. What I want to happen before I turn too old for anything to happen is to be in a loving relationship a couple of times (I have not been in a relationship for obvious reasons), to help others, to be able to find those things I thought I lost...home, comfort, family, true friends..
And a curious thing I have not been able to do is enjoy my feminity. I have always been extremely embarassed about attracting attention whether good or bad, so I haven't been into shopping or having fun being a girl. A lot of times its a question of who I would be dressing up and feeling pretty for? And why. I once tried to dress up and embrace the girlier side in me last year but I got treated pretty horribly by one of my teachers who probably thought I was an airhead who wasn't serious about art school. It's a problem I'd like to fix as I know I won't be young forever and I want to be able to feel beautiful without having that be the only thing that comes across when I communicate with people.

My Reply:

Wow, what a life's journey you've had so far! Granted time is moving fast, you are still only about 22, and have a lot of time before you have to worry about 40 (not that pushing 40 is much to worry about though).
All throughout your life though, all I hear is sadness, and trying to fulfill the void with life's accomplishments. And as you enjoyed some for a little while, the joy never lasted. So you want something to fill your void, and you want direction in your life so you can stop feeling so worthless. Is this right?
Here's what I suggest:
1) Come to know Jesus Christ (I'm serious here). If you've never prayed, then imagine Jesus asking, "How are you today?" Then after you answer, imagine Jesus asking, "No, really...how are you today? Tell me what's going on." Then tell Him everything you just said here (and whatever else you're feeling, experiencing, and fearing). It may feel like you're talking to a wall or thin air at first, but trust me, He's listening to every word.

2) If you don't have a Bible, get one. Any Christian bookstore will have them and anybody at them is more than happy to help you find the perfect one. (They may even help you get started on reading it if you ask.) Carry it with you everywhere. Read a chapter a day from it (anywhere in it), and pray about anything you don't understand.

3) Get connected with a church. You'll need to be around others who know what it's like to have lived a broken life, such as yours, and who've given themselves to Jesus. People who will love you where you're at, and who you won't have to prove yourself to.

How will this help you? 
1) You've got a void that you've tried to fill, but no matter how hard you've tried, can't. Jesus will fill that void permanently, if you ask Him to.
2) You want direction in your life. As you begin to pray, keep your eyes open for daily answers to your prayers. And as you continue to be filled with joy, learn to listen as you pray...prayer is meant to be a 2-way conversation between you and God. So as you ask the Lord for direction and guidance, He'll answer, take you places you've never been, and introduce you to people you never knew.

At the age of 21 (1993), I hit rock bottom. About that same time, I accepted and came to know Jesus Christ. My life's never been the same since, and I'd never go back.

I'll pray for you, too.

---Pastor Andy

Friend With Benefits Wants Commitment

Picture courtesy of...

Question:

I've been in an 'fwb' (Friends with benefits) situation with a guy for about 4 years. We get all hot and heavy for awhile, but then cool off...and the cycle continues.  (We got together a couple weeks ago after not seeing each other for over a year.  And I don't sleep around.  He is actually the only guy I have slept with in the past 2 years, once last year, once this year).

The first night we hook-up after being apart, he always starts talking about having babies and us getting married, and I start thinking about the 'maybes'. But the next time we talk he says he can't remember saying anything. I feel stupid because I really want all that from him, and I know I'm never going to get it. We've known each other for 15 years and he really is the man of my dreams. 
Is there a way to separate sex and my feelings for him?

My Reply:

Wait a minute...in one sentence you said he's the man of your dreams, but in a previous sentence you said he basically lied by saying he never said something that you're sure he said. So the man of your dreams is a liar?
You sound confused, and I think your emotions for him are leading you blind. If a close friend of yours was in this situation, and she came to you for advice, what would you say to her? And be honest, because it sounds like though you obviously really like him and want a commitment with him, he doesn't, and is really only saying it when things heat up.
My advice to you (because it seems you're asking for some), is to stop looking at the maybes, since you seem to be the only one thinking about them. If the maybes will turn into definites, then they'll either have to take a lot of time with this fellow before they change, or they'll have to be with somebody else who wants the same, and doesn't play you for a fool each time things get heavy.

---Pastor Andy

Name-Calling Girlfriend

Picture courtesy of...

Question: How many times would you take name calling and accusations from your girlfriend before you've had enough?

My Reply:

2 things come to mind with this:

1) Often times, name calling is how girls fight back in arguments...it's like their way of rising up above you. Many women are not very good at arguments without criticizing and name calling though...so they need to learn a new way, and that often starts with you also learning a new way of working out disagreements. If you love her enough to work things out, then I'd suggest looking into ways of communicating better.

2) If it's just part of her personality, then dude, get out. A good relationship doesn't consist of knocking down and demeaning. And that's not the fruit of love...it's the fruit of hatred. And maybe she doesn't know how to love...but you shouldn't have to be her practice dummy.

---Pastor Andy

How to get copyrights for poems?

©

Question:  I have written a few poems that I want to get copyrights for.  Do you have any ideas of how to get the copyrights?

  

My Reply:

You should be able to check online for copyrights (or one of the links to the right).
Although in college (back in about 1992), I did learn of a fast, easy, and almost free (and very legal) way of getting it Trade-marked (showing that you were the original writer/composer), and it's easier than you'd think:
1) Put your name on them
2) Copy them (photocopy would be best)
3) Place the originals into a manila envelope
4) Mail them to yourself
5) When it's delivered to you, store it in a safe place (don't ever open the envelope!).
 If you ever have to go to court about who wrote the originals, the postmarked date will prove the timeline for when they were written. Don't open the envelope until you're in the court session in the presence of everybody so they can see that it was sealed before the date marked.
 It's all legal, and legit.

---Pastor Andy

Q: Why do we carry on living?

My Reply:

Because we can...because we have a God who loves us and wants us to live for Him...because though this life is temporary, anything aside from it is permanent (and so if we ended it, we can't change our minds later)...

Life's tough, sometimes it sucks, but nothing we go through is anything that somebody else somewhere, some time didn't already overcome before us.

---Pastor Andy

picture courtesy of...

A letter to my aunt

Question: I miss my aunt, so I'm writing her a letter.  She's a great woman, and does a lot for her country.  We also have a great relationship, she's like my big sister!  What else should I put in the letter?

My reply:

That's awesome, I'm sure she'd love to hear from you!
Why not mention all the things that you admire about her...why do you see her as a great woman?
Express what you like about your relationship with her (you said she's like your big sister...explain that to her...what it means, and why it means so much to you).

---Pastor Andy

Picture courtesy of...

How do you get people to like you without trying?

Question: How can I get people to like me without trying? I seriously know it's possible, but how?

My Reply:

You'll hear people tell you to change something about yourself or lower your standards. But I have to disagree. Instead:

1) Be yourself. Nobody likes somebody who tries to be somebody else.

2) Learn to communicate with people. I have a friend who would start talking with somebody he's never met before, but when you heard the conversation, you'd think they'd known each other for years. This can be natural, or learned (for him it was natural. For me, I learned from watching him).

3) Don't be mean or talk mean about others. You may not get the attention of the gossips, but others will respect you, and you'll have a better chance of being liked by people who admire that character and want to be like you in that way, or by people who are already like that, which is a much better group of friends than the first mentioned.

---Pastor Andy