Why Do I Like One Twin Better Than the Other?

Queston:

There are these two identical twin guys... Both attractive and totally my type, but I am more attracted to the older twin. He is more reserved and quiet and kind of gives off that hostile, 'I hate the world' kind of vibe and literally trusts nobody, while his brother is more in control and outgoing and sweet and kind to everybody. Why, of all people, would I like the older twin better than the younger that looks exactly like him?

My Reply:

I think you just answered your question.

I once new some identical twins who, unless you spent a lot of time with them, you really couldn't tell them apart...heck, they even dressed alike had the same haircuts, makeup, etc., and all on purpose!

But one was more on the wild side, while the other was more conservative.

Keep in mind that just because they look alike, doesn't mean they're alike in every other way, too.  In fact, in terms of their desires, likes, tastes, preferences, style, etc, they may be completely different people.  Don't judge a book by its cover (lol, sorry, I had to throw that in).

---Pastor Andy

Should I Stand Up and Take Action?

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Question:

Hi, I'm 14.

Do you think that it is better if I stand up and take action by telling my classmate (she's my age) that I like and love her? Or should I just spend the rest of my teenage years waiting?

My Reply:

Hey dude, I'd say that if you "took action" and told her that you "like and love her", you'd probably freak her out.  Instead, I'd suggest asking her out sometime...maybe to a movie or favorite hang-out.  If she doesn't feel comfortable with that, then maybe try a get together with her and a bunch of friends. That way, you can also get to know her around others...see how she behaves among friends. And as you're hanging out, talk with her...ask her questions about herself, have discussions, share things about yourself, etc...but I wouldn't suggest you jump in and tell her that you like and love her until she gets a chance to know you some, too.  Otherwise, you may turn her away, and instead of dwelling on the not asking her part, you'll be dwelling on all the other and better ways you could have approached her.

Now, if you're already friends, you hang out with friends together, etc...then I'd say ask her if she'd like to go on a date or somewhere just the 2 of you. But man, take it slow. If she hasn't figured out by now or heard from your or her friends that you like her, then she'll figure out when you ask her out.  Also, as the relationship grows, she'll begin to see your love for her.  But if you really love her, then you'll take it slow...sudden emotions need to be questioned...real feelings and emotions form and grow together.
I'll pray for you on this, too, OK?

---Pastor Andy

Saving a Dying Relationship

Question:

My friend had told me that Jesus can help out a probably dying friendship that I share with someone.  This same friend told me that if I pray to Jesus and trust in His will, then this dying friendship won’t be dying.  Is this true?

My Reply:

Pray to Jesus and ask Him for help with your friendship. Remember also, in every friendship or relationship, each person needs to work to make it work.
But whether the friendship is healed or not, I guarantee that any relationship with Jesus Christ in the center is a successful relationship.

---Pastor Andy

Why the Delay on Finding the Perfect Woman for Me?

Question:

I've had the worst time dating, you know, zero luck. I know God has someone out there for me, but why is it taking so long? What do I need to change?

My Reply:
Disclaimer: the fellow who asked the question is a very good friend of mine, more like a water-related little brother (we're related through baptism), so I know some background  to his question that's not included here.  So with that said:

First, I want you to know that I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from.

When I was in college, I planned to be married with at least 1 child by the age of 27, and dated a lot in hopes of finding the woman I’d marry.  But none of these women deserved my love, nor did they fully receive it on their end. I didn't know that at the time, but Jesus did.  I dated them because every one of them had a quality that I liked and wanted in a future wife.  I even made a mental list of what I wanted and needed in a wife, or at least what I thought I needed.  But it turned out that God had a different (though somewhat similar) list that HE had made up for me.  But first He needed time to mold and transform me into the guy that He had set up on my future wife's list.  Also, at that time she was in a different place in her life, and God also needed to transform her into what I'd wanted/needed.  Yes, we finally met, but it wasn’t until I was 34.  When you realize that I’d been praying for her since my early 20s, that's a LONG TIME to wait & hope!  But it all had to be perfect timing, which can only happen on God's watch.

I think the most interesting part was how we found each other, for we weren’t looking for each other at all.  Have you ever notice that when you’re not looking for something, you see it laying around all the time, but once you’re looking for it, you can’t find it anywhere?  When you look at the girls I was dating and picking to date, I wasn't doing a very good job...neither was my now-wife with her choice of guys.  It wasn’t until we were NOT looking that the Lord was able to finally introduce us to each other, and He introduced us at the PERFECT time.

I know the wait is difficult.  Trust me I know. And you're going to want to take the search out of God’s hands when you see a woman you're interested in. But seriously, leave it in God's hands.  Have you ever heard that poem, "Let Go, Let God"? (Google it). It's not until we fully let go of what it is we're dealing with and fully give it up to Jesus that He can take it and deal with it. I say “can” because as long as you continue to search for that one girl yourself, you're not letting God bring the 2 of you together. 

Why haven’t you met yet?  It's possible that, as it was with me, you’re not currently what she needs. It also sounds that, as it was with me, that you've probably been dating the same type of (wrong) woman all your life. Though they may have different styles, education, wisdom, intellect, looks, etc., they're all the same in that they're not the right one for you.  So the Lord needs to transform you, and her, into who you each need to be for each other. You need to TRUST that God has everything planned out, and is working on you both.  I mean, you’ve got to figure, He created the perfect woman for Adam…everything he wanted, and needed, much of which he didn’t even realize until he met her.
I'd like to share a prayer that a once-single woman prayed:

"Dear God, I prayed, all unafraid (as we’re inclined to do), I do not need a handsome man, but let him be like You;

I do not need one big and strong, nor yet so very tall, nor need he be some genius, or wealthy, Lord, at all;

But let his head be high, dear God, and let his eye be clear, his shoulders straight, whatever his state, whatever his earthly sphere;

And let his face have character, a ruggedness of soul, and let his whole life show, dear God, a singleness of goal;

Then when he comes (as he will come) with quiet eyes aglow, I’ll understand that he’s the man I prayed for long ago."  --Ruth Bell Graham

So in the same way, for now, continue to pray here (the woman that God has for you), focus on other aspects of your life, getting closer every day to Jesus, and let HIM deal with your love life on His terms and timing.

---Pastor Andy

Do I still have a chance at love?

Question:

I fancy this girl who broke up with my friend about 2-3 weeks ago.  We have been getting close, and yesterday we spent the whole day together and her two friends.  But before we went out to town on msn, I was about to put some kisses on and a kissing emotion came up just as i pressed enter! She replied with "LOL" in capitals and I was like, "I'm sorry!"  Then she said to slow down, for we are not at that stage yet.  

Later that day, I brought it up when no one was listening, and she said, "Oh its ok," and basically said the same thing she said on msn.  All night I was thinking about what she meant by that.

She also seems to be interested in fit boys, and I'm not really the fittest boy you would come across. But really, I just want your opinion on what i should do?  We're meeting up again today.  (She doesn't like my friend anymore).

My Reply:

The first thing to recognize is that she's only been out of a relationship for 2-3 weeks.  Take your time, for It may take her time to mourn it and heal.
The second thing to notice is that she said you're not at that stage "yet". That's a good sign of possibility. But if you rush things, you may lose your chance.
I know you feel like a dummy, and are real embarrassed by her response, but the fact that she continues to want to talk with you and meets you online and in person, shows that you didn't mess up as badly as you think.  I think if anything, you just revealed to her that you like her. And the fact that she enjoys hanging out with you shows that she may like you back, and just not yet be ready for another relationship. I'd suggest that you just take things slow, go at her pace. When she's ready to move forward and turn that emoticon into a real kiss, she'll let you know. Just don't say anything like that you didn't mean it or that it was a mistake...for THAT would surely mess up your chance at anything more than "LOL".

---Pastor Andy

Valentine's Day Tattoo?

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Question: 
I was thinking of surprising my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day by getting a tattoo of his name on my body, but I don’t know where on my body I should get it.  I know a lot of girls that get it on their lower back or boobs, but I know getting it on the back makes it a tramp stamp, and I want it somewhere I can hide it easily so his mom won’t see because she does not support our relationship.  We have been together for almost seven years and plan on getting married soon, but for financial reasons, we can’t.  So I wanna surprise him.  Do you think it’s a good idea, and where on my body should I get it?

My Reply:

So you've been with your boyfriend for 7 years, his mom doesn't approve of your relationship, and he promises you'll get married as soon as he has the cash, right?  Might I suggest that before you get a tattoo of your boyfriend's name, you wait until he's your husband?  Because if for some reason you two should break up one day, you're stuck with his name on your body (unless every boyfriend after him has the same name).
Why not get him some balloons, bake a cake, buy some video games (or all 3) instead? Give him a massage? Or if you really want to wear his name on your body, try matching T-shirts, charms on a necklace, rings, or something else matching. Remember, tattoos were created with the same purpose as Marriage...to last forever. So I would suggest sealing the deal with the relationship before the skin art.

---Pastor Andy

Marriage Help

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Question:  

I have recently married.  A lot of my friends say it was very early (we've been seeing each-other for a little over a year now, and just moved in, but we're over that now and have settled in).
I've just been noticing that she, once every month or so, gets frustrated and angry at me for petty reasons that usually wouldn't bother her. I've tried bringing it up with her but I continually get the response 'Sorry, it's just my time of the month.' She never gives any more reasoning.
Anyway, last month she kicked me out for being inconsiderate and obnoxious. We had a small argument, but she was rather angry.  She said to come back in a day or two when I'd thought about what I'd done, and apologize.
I'm basically sick and tired of putting up with this, it's beginning to get ridiculous.  I haven't brought it up with her yet, but I've got the documents for divorce.  I am just wondering if you could perhaps give some advice, as I still love her very much, but as I said, it's beginning to get intolerable.

My Reply:

Wow, those are some real confusing and frustrating difficulties!  So all this time, before you married, things were fine, and now after you're married, it's turned into chaos?  That would drive anybody crazy!  

First of all, I want to congratulate the two of you for taking that step of getting married.  Marriage really is awesome!  But at the same time, marriage isn't always going to be warm and cuddly, friendly and happy.  There are times (as you've come to experience), when personalities and backgrounds clash, and things will sometimes get ugly.

Before getting married, I did a lot of research on relationships, basically because I knew that when I got married, it would be something that lasted for the rest of our lives...no escape, lol.  So to help know how to be in a successful, life-long marriage, I read books on relationships, such as Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages", listened to speakers on relationships (find them on YouTube), and asked people I know who've been married for 20+ years (some even dated a short-term before getting married, just as you did).  It's really amazing what we think we know about each other, ourselves, and relationships, but really have no idea.  So do some research, ask people who've been married 20 or more years, and read Gary Chapman's book together, working together on the challenges throughout.

Also, before introducing the divorce documents, I would suggest looking into marriage counseling.  Not because there's anything wrong with either of you, but a marriage counselor can help you both figure out what changed in your relationship since marriage, and how to "bring back that lovin' feeling" that brought the two of you together in the first place.  If you're concerned about finances (as we all are), check out churches, for many Pastors are also trained Marriage Counselors, and I would expect they'd work out something you can afford.

Hang in there, and don't give up...marriage is something that takes work.  If you work together, I have no doubt you'll not only remain married for many decades, but even enjoy each other in the process.

---Pastor Andy

Fixing America's Divorce Rate

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Question: 

Why do you think the American divorce rate is so high? What can we do to fix it?

My Reply:

Many reasons for the high divorce rate in America:

1. We Americans are quite spoiled. We live in a culture where if you don't like what you have, you either get rid of it, or "upgrade".
2. Many people don't seem to understand the meanings of "commitment" and "keeping vows (or) promises".
3. People (not just Americans) are often self-centered and lazy. We think of our own wants and desires, and often decide to pursue them over working on the issues we have at home.
4. Communication is often not a key characteristic in relationships that end in divorce.
5. Americans stand on pride, not reconciliation. When conflicts arise, our natural instincts are either fight or flight. For instance, we guys seem to have picked up something somewhere that causes us to retreat and hide our feelings instead of hang around and express them each time conflict arises. Women on the other hand often seem to push the issue further, using the tactic of name-calling and demeaning the fellows' identities. We clash because we don't know how to resolve the issues...
6. The media doesn't help any with their suggestions of adulterous relationships.
7. The sad thing about this too, is that I can't say it's because they don't have Jesus in their lives, because the divorce rate of Christians are right up there among non-Christians.
8. We don't understand or know enough about our partners, or even ourselves...what makes us feel worth, and what makes them feel worth? How do we as a spouse make our spouse feel worth, and how do we communicate to them how to make us feel worth?
9. Unfortunately, many take after their parents who also divorced.
10. People often base their decisions on feelings.  If it feels right, they do it. If it doesn't feel right, they don't do it.

I can go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.  

So how can we fix this?

I believe the first step needed is to change people’s mindset and understanding about marriage:

1. People need to realize that marriage was created to be more permanent than a tattoo.  
2. Marriage is hard work, and not always about “being happy”.  
3. Marriage is also about sacrifice and denying yourself regularly for the sake of your spouse (to be taken on by both, not just one).  
4. Conflicts need to be dealt with immediately, and never allowed to resurface in an argument…hysterical is one thing, historical is another.

As I mentioned, Christians and non-Christians alike are guilty in this department. But the Bible really does tell us how to treat one another:

• "Wives, submit to your husbands." 
• "Husbands, love your wives in the way that Jesus loves the Church."  (Notice it doesn’t say, 'Husbands, love your wives as the Church loves Jesus')

I think that when this is understood and practiced, we may fix and save more than just marriages.

---Pastor Andy

Friend With Benefits Wants Commitment

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Question:

I've been in an 'fwb' (Friends with benefits) situation with a guy for about 4 years. We get all hot and heavy for awhile, but then cool off...and the cycle continues.  (We got together a couple weeks ago after not seeing each other for over a year.  And I don't sleep around.  He is actually the only guy I have slept with in the past 2 years, once last year, once this year).

The first night we hook-up after being apart, he always starts talking about having babies and us getting married, and I start thinking about the 'maybes'. But the next time we talk he says he can't remember saying anything. I feel stupid because I really want all that from him, and I know I'm never going to get it. We've known each other for 15 years and he really is the man of my dreams. 
Is there a way to separate sex and my feelings for him?

My Reply:

Wait a minute...in one sentence you said he's the man of your dreams, but in a previous sentence you said he basically lied by saying he never said something that you're sure he said. So the man of your dreams is a liar?
You sound confused, and I think your emotions for him are leading you blind. If a close friend of yours was in this situation, and she came to you for advice, what would you say to her? And be honest, because it sounds like though you obviously really like him and want a commitment with him, he doesn't, and is really only saying it when things heat up.
My advice to you (because it seems you're asking for some), is to stop looking at the maybes, since you seem to be the only one thinking about them. If the maybes will turn into definites, then they'll either have to take a lot of time with this fellow before they change, or they'll have to be with somebody else who wants the same, and doesn't play you for a fool each time things get heavy.

---Pastor Andy

14 Years Old Thinkin’ About Having Sex

Question: There's this boy that I really have feelings for.  We got officially together, but we have been knowing each other for a couple of years. Last night on the phone, he told me that he had this dream about sex. He went into explaining what happened and I was blown away, lol. He said he was bangin’ the wall, screamin’ my name, and everything else. We’re both 14. All of my friends are having sex. I really want to have sex now but I’m really scared of what my life will be like if I decide to. What should I do?

My Reply:

Holy Snap! Your 14 year old friends are having sex?

First of all, sex is a great thing between 2 people who are married to each other, but definitely not for somebody at the age of 14. And the dream he told you about is pretty common among 14 year old boys (all teen boys dream about sex…seriously).

Why NOT to have sex? Well, besides possible diseases, there's also the chance of cervical cancer (common among girls who have sex before adulthood), pregnancy...seriously, what would you do if you got pregnant? Have you talked with him about that possibility?  And for the record, the pulling-out method doesn't work.

I know you've got strong feelings for him, and he says he does for you, but at the age of 14, he's probably and most likely not going to be the man you marry. I would strongly suggest you NOT have sex, and instead focus on other aspects of the relationship, like hanging out together with your friends, going to movies & concerts, holding hands, enjoying life together, etc.

Check out this link to my blog for more information on this:  http://dearpastorandy.blogspot.com/2010/04/christian-view-of-sex.html

---Pastor Andy

Name-Calling Girlfriend

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Question: How many times would you take name calling and accusations from your girlfriend before you've had enough?

My Reply:

2 things come to mind with this:

1) Often times, name calling is how girls fight back in arguments...it's like their way of rising up above you. Many women are not very good at arguments without criticizing and name calling though...so they need to learn a new way, and that often starts with you also learning a new way of working out disagreements. If you love her enough to work things out, then I'd suggest looking into ways of communicating better.

2) If it's just part of her personality, then dude, get out. A good relationship doesn't consist of knocking down and demeaning. And that's not the fruit of love...it's the fruit of hatred. And maybe she doesn't know how to love...but you shouldn't have to be her practice dummy.

---Pastor Andy

Why Did God Send Jesus?

Question: Why did God send Jesus?

I've never understood why. If He wanted to forgive our sins, why not just forgive them? Why make His son (or Himself, depending on which you think Jesus was) suffer and die so that He could forgive us?

My Reply:

It's all about a relationship with God as it was in the beginning:

1. In the beginning, God walked in the garden with His creation
2. Sin entered the picture, separating us from God.
3. All throughout the Old Testament, God tried wooing His creation back to Him, but everybody continued to push Him away and sinned against Him. (If you'll notice, the prophets and patriarchs had a close relationship with the Lord in the way that Adam and Eve did, but even with Moses, the Lord wanted to communicate with the people, but the people begged Moses to be their mediator instead).
4. The punishment of sin is death. The purpose of the Law was to show us where we sinned, thus bringing us to our knees in repentance and hopes of reconciling the relationship with God. But instead, people lost their hope and passion in trying to fulfill the Law.
5. God sent Jesus to accomplish what we couldn't.
6. Jesus, being the perfect and last blood sacrifice, forgave us of our sins, all the way back to the first one committed.
7. Jesus' resurrection allows us to come to Him through faith in Him.

 The whole point was reconciliation, and also so that we may once again approach Him, and be in the type of relationship that He had with humans as in the beginning.

--To your question of why not just forgive us?  God did forgive the Israelites, MANY times, even when they didn't deserve it. But when they got it, they took advantage of it. You don't take advantage of those you truly love.
God wants us to love Him back. He wants us to be with Him for all eternity, but because we WANT to be with Him. That's what makes salvation so confusing...all you have to do is repent and accept the invitation. But as you can see, many still prefer to reject God.

---Pastor Andy

OK Pastor, I Challenge You To A Debate!

Here’s my argument:

ANYTHING is perfectly okay before marriage as long as your virginity remains in tact.  God said not to have sex. He never said anything about hugging, holding hands, kissing, making out, touching, oral, masturbation... Note that all of those things keep your virginity in tact, and therefore cannot be sins, and if even thinking about sex is wrong, then every single person is going to hell.  Also consider; 95% boys masturbate, it is a sexual act.  In fact, even Christian boys masturbate, so if any sexual act is a sin, then masturbating must be a sin too right?  So all those boys are going to hell, even though they gave their life to Christ?  But they’re virgins until they get married, but since they masturbated they have to go to hell.  As for anything with your hands, its just touching another body part, besides God made us naked anyways, so why can't we see each other if we choose to without it being a sin?  So when a mother changes her baby's diaper, she's sinning eh?  Or when a couple holds hand, OH NO THERE TOUCHING THERE GOING TO BURN IN HELLLLLLLLLLL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, they’re still virgins, sometimes it may be slightly sexual, but what isn’t slightly sexual?  So what do you have to say?  This is my statement and I'd love to hear your words. I analyzed your own Bible and your God's words.  Oh, and by the way, might I add that He is against birth control?  WHO IN THEIRE RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO HAVE ALL THOSE CHILDREN???? And He's against mutilation of a body.  Yet, he is a fan of alcohol…He is very contradicting and starting to sound in fact, hypocritical to me…


My Reply:
Honestly, I don't see what your purpose is. Are you trying to justify something you did? Are you trying to justify premarital sexual behavior? What's your purpose? What's your need to know? Why such a venting session on sexual behavior outside of marriage?


You said, "Anything is OK before marriage as long as virginity is in tact".

I think that one of the main problems is when we think of virginity as only physical. Notice, Jesus said that when a man thinks about a woman lustfully, he's sinned against her in his heart. And Paul said that if have sex with a prostitute, we merge our bodies with her. See, sex isn't only intercourse, and virginity can also be lost through oral sex, anal sex, etc. How? Because there's more going on than bodily sharing, and such intimacy was created only for a married couple.


When you have sex with somebody, there's more than emotional intimacy. You're also sharing your whole self with that person, and such an awesome experience was meant only for a married couple. Why? Because God created and designed it as a blessing to be shared in a committed relationship that was blessed by God. 


The next problem is when a couple who's not married wants to experience even a small part of this blessing outside of marriage. You know that annoying game siblings play where they're told not to touch the other? The parent says this so that nobody hits the other or whatever. So what's the other one do? They get as close to them as possible, totally in their face, maybe even centimeters from touching them, and claim, "I'm not touching you." True, they're not touching, but the reason for the rule in the first place was not to keep them from touching, but to keep them out of trouble.


God told us to only experience the awesome blessing and gift of sexual contact with our spouses. But our emotions, adrenaline, feelings, hopes, imaginations, hormones, etc. often take over and we want to do other things similar to what we were told not to do. So instead of having intercourse, we do other stuff (like fondling, licking, sucking, caressing private areas, etc.), and then we justify our actions by saying that there's nothing in the rule book saying we can't.

You seem really upset at God...have you told Him all this yourself? If not, why not? Try asking God these questions. Will He answer? Maybe not in the way you expect or hope, but He'll answer, and when He does, you'll know it.


Go on...even in the tone of voice you used in this question. Yell, "God..." Heck, He's God...He can take anything you dish out. And maybe the reason you haven't gotten your answer yet, the one you really want or need to hear, is because you haven't asked Him.

---Pastor Andy

One Way Relationship

Question:  My girlfriend is a different religion from me, and wants me to change my religion.  She says I can't call her because her family doesn't know about me (we're dating secretly because of the religion difference) so I have to wait all day for her to call, just so we can talk.  She also keeps changing her mind about us. Sometimes she's ready to marry me, then she's not. I want kids, she doesn't. She decides when we talk or hang out.  I feel like I am making all the compromises here!  If she keeps changing her mind, I'm afraid she might never agree to marry me. What shall I do?

My Reply:

1. When we come to know Jesus, He made the 1st huge sacrifice by giving up everything He had so we may live. So giving up everything we are in order to come to know Him, follow Him, and become as Him is only fair. Similarly, relationships with people need to be mutually sacrificial. If you're making all the sacrifices and changes, then neither is she ready, nor is she somebody who you need to be with. I'd also suggest asking her if you were somebody she was attracted to in the beginning because of who you are/were, or because of who she envisioned you as being (reality vs. fantasy world).
2. Jesus said in Revelation that He'd prefer we either be hot or cold, but to be warm is gross and he spits such people out of His mouth. Elijah also told the Israelites (1 Kings 18) that they should choose either the Lord or Baal, but they should stop wavering back and forth between each. Jesus also said in Matthew 12 that if somebody's not for Him, they're against Him...there's no fence in between. Similarly, your girlfriend's wavering back and forth is something I'd consider to be a red-flag. She needs to make a choice and stick with her decision. If not, then scrap the relationship. 
3. Changing your religion. If you consider yourself a Christian, then you're not in a religion, but a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And so to change your "religion" in that case would be like her telling you who you can be friends with, or like telling you that you can't keep your friends (but then maybe she does that already?)
4. She decides when you can talk or hang out...this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, bro. She may even be seeing other guys on the side (this would explain a lot of what you've already mentioned, such as the wavering between yes and no to your marriage proposal, kids, you making all the compromises, keeping you a secret, etc.). Just the fact that you've stayed with her this long shows you deserve better.
5. Finally, the whole "secret lover" thing hits me the wrong way. I once heard somebody say that if you have to keep the relationship a secret, then you shouldn't be in it.  Plus, just the fact that she insists on keeping you a secret shows that she's nowhere near ready to be in a committed relationship with you.

What should you do? Honestly, what you're in with her is not a healthy relationship.  I'd suggest you get out of it a.s.a.p.

---Pastor Andy

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Christianity-"Lite"

Question:  For example, say you're a good person deep down, you believe in the goodness of people, and you help people. But you don't live a restricted life, you drink occasionally with friends, you enjoy a nasty joke, and you have sex outside of marriage (in a relationship)? I am in college.  I joined a Christian group and they would crap their pants if they knew that about me. I like them...but they are such prudes! lol. Is it possible to be a "light" Christian?

My Reply:

There's this disease being spread in many of the churches and ministries today, and it's called "cheap grace". Cheap Grace says that you can be a "light Christian"...God loves you the way you are and because He loves you, He won't ask you to change a thing. Holiness is not a factor, and discipleship is a disinterest or considered unnecessary. There's no repentance, just acceptance. And people who have accepted Cheap Grace believe that as long as people are "good" in terms of the world's standards, then they too will be saved, and anybody who says otherwise (even quote scripture out of context to back it up) are closed-minded. 

Unfortunately my friend, it sounds like you've been infected with it, and if you don't take the antidote combination (which are Jesus Christ with Costly Grace), then yes, you will die.


Check out this ad for more information ;)

---Pastor Andy

Does He Like Me Or My Friend?

Question:

I have a friend who is basically my best friend. We have a close-knit group of friends that includes this guy I really like. The problem though is that I think he likes my best friend.  Sometimes I notice signs that would suggest that he does, like the fact that he and my best friend are always flirting and texting.  But then sometimes I get signals that are directed towards me, like I always catch him looking at me, and when I notice him looking, he always quickly turns away, or like when he bumps into me or even laughs at a joke I make.  But then, I also notice that he always has a reason to touch my best friend, and he laughs so hard  at her jokes that he cries.  They get along so well in front of people and alone, but when he and I are alone I get sooo shy and don't know what to say. 

I am so confused, and I can't stop thinking about him.  I love my best friend, but I just don't know what to think, and my heart aches when I think him or when I watch the two of them flirt.  Can you please give me opinions or advice of my situation?

 My Reply:

I would suggest 2 things:
1) Talk with your friends about how you feel about the guy and see if she has similar feelings for him. If she does, back off from him and put your feelings aside. If she doesn't have similar feelings, then letting her know how you feel should cause her to back off from the flirting with him (best friends back off).

2) After you talk with her, talk with him. Because if your best friend doesn't have feelings for him, then it's a go for you, but you need to know where he stands with her (for if you two should date, it wouldn't be right if he still flirted with her. And if he does, then get out before your emotions grow too strongly, otherwise it could put a wedge between you and your best friend). If it ends up your best friend does like him, then you need to back off and let him know that you're backing off and why, for it's not good for him to be giving you mixed signals while they pursue one another, nor is it good for you to respond to his signals when you know how your friend feels about him.

My point is that you all need to be on the same page about what's going on and where everybody stands.

---Pastor Andy

Picture courtesy of...

Christian View of Sex

Question:

Explain the Christian argument for chastity.  Explain how Christianity is pro-body and pro-sex, and argues that. 

My Reply:

Pro-body/sex: 
1) God created us as sexual beings.
2) God introduced marriage to us with the first 2 humans (He brought the woman to Adam, as a father does his daughter today, bone of my bone etc. is known as wedding vows, Adam only had 1 wife).

Sex is meant to be within the relationship of a married couple:
The Apostle Paul explains in 1 Corinthians that sex outside of marriage is actually the worst sin you can commit against yourself, for when you have sex with somebody, you actually merge yourself with that person. You've heard that analogy with the tree? A guy sleeps with this girl who's slept with 10 other guys, so technically he’s sleeping with them too...that argument originated in the context of AIDS, but similarly, because sex is not just physical, but also emotional and spiritual, you actually do merge with each person you have sex with.

One explanation of this: in the TV show or movie "Highlander", when they chopped off their enemy-immortals’ heads, they absorbed all the spirits of those whom their victim had killed. If 50 people, they absorb those 50 people's souls, or something.  Sex is kind of like that, in the merging sense.

Another example: you're blue, she's red (primary colors).  When you have sex with each other, you each become purple.  Purple is good if you’re married, but until then, you were created to remain your primary color.  Now say you’re each purple, and you each have sex with others.  You keep mixing in other shades and colors, and soon you don't know what color you are, or you look like those blobs of Play-doh (like the one above) with all the colors mixed into it...and they're so mixed in that you'll never get them back to their original colors.

So you see, Christianity isn't against sex...sex is awesome, feels great, and was created for our pleasure. Otherwise, it wouldn't feel so good (yes, I'm married). 

Christianity is FOR sex.  But if it's going to be blessed by God, and not sinful, then it needs to be in the context in that which God had intended, which is marriage.

---Pastor Andy

Play-Doh ball picture courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/piepkorn/2093606082/