What Causes Non-Existence?

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Question:
What causes non-existence?

My Reply:
In ancient times, if you wanted to completely destroy somebody, you'd wipe their name out of history.  For example, there's that one guy in the Bible who, when the Ark of God began to fall from the wagon, he stretched out his hand to catch it, and God smite him...what was his name?  That's right, we don't know, for even his name was to be forgotten...as if he never existed.  This was also the case for many among enemies.  Sometimes we'd only know them for their titles, and sometimes they aren't even mentioned at all so as to wipe them out of remembrance completely.

Although, if you're asking what causes non-existence, as in as if you really never existed, then my answer would be "abstinence", for if you were never created, then you never existed.

---Pastor Andy

Waiting For That One Guy

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Question:

I'm 17 and have been waiting for that one guy to lose my virginity to.

I dated a guy for three years and just wasn't ready yet or, comfortable enough to go any further, so he broke up with me…typical guy. Anyway I am now dating a guy who I have never felt so comfortable with and I do love him and want to further our relationship. But I've scared myself to death about sex. I'm just scared of the pain that comes with it, I guess you could say. I have eight tattoos and if I think that hurts pretty bad…you think I'd think sex would? People say it's horrible and it hurts but is it really that bad the first time? What should I expect my first time? Is it a pain that I can stand? And I'm totally clueless when it comes to this sex thing. I am a virgin, and at my age that's not very common, ha. I've talked to my boyfriend about how scared I am, and he always says we can wait and he's totally fine with that. I'm willing to wait as well, but it's going to happen sometime...so your help and advice is greatly appreciated!

My Reply:

First, I'd like to congratulate you for holding off from having sex for this long...you're right, virginity among teens is rare today. And good job on holding out on the last guy.
Here's what I'm thinking. Your current boyfriend is willing to wait, but you're freaked out. But why bother thinking about it now? You dated the last guy for 3 years and never had sex. You've just started dating this guy, so what's the rush?
I'd like to suggest another rarity: why not hold off until you're married? Seriously!  I mean hey, you want it to be special and with the man you love, right?  So who better to save your first time than the one you want to grow old with?  And if it's this guy, then waiting until the wedding night will be even more special. But if God forbid he's not the guy, then wouldn't it be nice to know you saved it for your husband?

---Pastor Andy

Mother needs advice

Question:

I have a 21 Year old son, and he wants his 18 year old girlfriend to move in my house.  As Christians, what should we do when something like this comes along? I feel like sometimes I am too harsh, but at the same time, I feel like I am doing the right thing since they are not married but want to live together.  HE says that her mother doesn't want her living at her house and she has no place to go.  I have put my foot down and we have gotten into many arguments, but still he has gotten me to give in a few times and I've let her spend the night a couple of times.  And now he says that if I don't let her stay here (live here), he is leaving with her and tells me they have no place to go…should I let him go even if he makes it seem like they have no place to go?

My Reply:

I suggest that first you pray.  I'd also like to suggest talking with the girl's parents. See if the girlfriend's really telling it like it is. It's possible that either she or your son's feelings are clouding their judgment and they're saying this to be together. Maybe her parents really did kick her out, or maybe they didn't. You should find this out before taking her in. And if you do decide to let her in, then talking with her parents may help you learn if there's anything you need to know about her first.
As for your son leaving, I really doubt he'll leave, or if so then not for too long. He's probably bluffing a threat (guilt-trip) to get you to give in.
Remember too, if you should let her in, be sure they understand the rules of the house (you're in charge, what you say goes, separate rooms, not permission for sex, etc.). You should also talk with them about what should happen if they break up. Is she out on the streets, or does she continue to live there? You may also suggest she pay rent for the room and help with costs around the house, since technically speaking, she's not your daughter, she is 18, and she is another mouth to feed…just a thought.
Either way though, pray about it first. And if the Lord suggests these things, then ask Him to go before you in the conversations, preparing for the right time and all.

---Pastor Andy

Friend With Benefits Wants Commitment

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Question:

I've been in an 'fwb' (Friends with benefits) situation with a guy for about 4 years. We get all hot and heavy for awhile, but then cool off...and the cycle continues.  (We got together a couple weeks ago after not seeing each other for over a year.  And I don't sleep around.  He is actually the only guy I have slept with in the past 2 years, once last year, once this year).

The first night we hook-up after being apart, he always starts talking about having babies and us getting married, and I start thinking about the 'maybes'. But the next time we talk he says he can't remember saying anything. I feel stupid because I really want all that from him, and I know I'm never going to get it. We've known each other for 15 years and he really is the man of my dreams. 
Is there a way to separate sex and my feelings for him?

My Reply:

Wait a minute...in one sentence you said he's the man of your dreams, but in a previous sentence you said he basically lied by saying he never said something that you're sure he said. So the man of your dreams is a liar?
You sound confused, and I think your emotions for him are leading you blind. If a close friend of yours was in this situation, and she came to you for advice, what would you say to her? And be honest, because it sounds like though you obviously really like him and want a commitment with him, he doesn't, and is really only saying it when things heat up.
My advice to you (because it seems you're asking for some), is to stop looking at the maybes, since you seem to be the only one thinking about them. If the maybes will turn into definites, then they'll either have to take a lot of time with this fellow before they change, or they'll have to be with somebody else who wants the same, and doesn't play you for a fool each time things get heavy.

---Pastor Andy

14 Years Old Thinkin’ About Having Sex

Question: There's this boy that I really have feelings for.  We got officially together, but we have been knowing each other for a couple of years. Last night on the phone, he told me that he had this dream about sex. He went into explaining what happened and I was blown away, lol. He said he was bangin’ the wall, screamin’ my name, and everything else. We’re both 14. All of my friends are having sex. I really want to have sex now but I’m really scared of what my life will be like if I decide to. What should I do?

My Reply:

Holy Snap! Your 14 year old friends are having sex?

First of all, sex is a great thing between 2 people who are married to each other, but definitely not for somebody at the age of 14. And the dream he told you about is pretty common among 14 year old boys (all teen boys dream about sex…seriously).

Why NOT to have sex? Well, besides possible diseases, there's also the chance of cervical cancer (common among girls who have sex before adulthood), pregnancy...seriously, what would you do if you got pregnant? Have you talked with him about that possibility?  And for the record, the pulling-out method doesn't work.

I know you've got strong feelings for him, and he says he does for you, but at the age of 14, he's probably and most likely not going to be the man you marry. I would strongly suggest you NOT have sex, and instead focus on other aspects of the relationship, like hanging out together with your friends, going to movies & concerts, holding hands, enjoying life together, etc.

Check out this link to my blog for more information on this:  http://dearpastorandy.blogspot.com/2010/04/christian-view-of-sex.html

---Pastor Andy

OK Pastor, I Challenge You To A Debate!

Here’s my argument:

ANYTHING is perfectly okay before marriage as long as your virginity remains in tact.  God said not to have sex. He never said anything about hugging, holding hands, kissing, making out, touching, oral, masturbation... Note that all of those things keep your virginity in tact, and therefore cannot be sins, and if even thinking about sex is wrong, then every single person is going to hell.  Also consider; 95% boys masturbate, it is a sexual act.  In fact, even Christian boys masturbate, so if any sexual act is a sin, then masturbating must be a sin too right?  So all those boys are going to hell, even though they gave their life to Christ?  But they’re virgins until they get married, but since they masturbated they have to go to hell.  As for anything with your hands, its just touching another body part, besides God made us naked anyways, so why can't we see each other if we choose to without it being a sin?  So when a mother changes her baby's diaper, she's sinning eh?  Or when a couple holds hand, OH NO THERE TOUCHING THERE GOING TO BURN IN HELLLLLLLLLLL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, they’re still virgins, sometimes it may be slightly sexual, but what isn’t slightly sexual?  So what do you have to say?  This is my statement and I'd love to hear your words. I analyzed your own Bible and your God's words.  Oh, and by the way, might I add that He is against birth control?  WHO IN THEIRE RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO HAVE ALL THOSE CHILDREN???? And He's against mutilation of a body.  Yet, he is a fan of alcohol…He is very contradicting and starting to sound in fact, hypocritical to me…


My Reply:
Honestly, I don't see what your purpose is. Are you trying to justify something you did? Are you trying to justify premarital sexual behavior? What's your purpose? What's your need to know? Why such a venting session on sexual behavior outside of marriage?


You said, "Anything is OK before marriage as long as virginity is in tact".

I think that one of the main problems is when we think of virginity as only physical. Notice, Jesus said that when a man thinks about a woman lustfully, he's sinned against her in his heart. And Paul said that if have sex with a prostitute, we merge our bodies with her. See, sex isn't only intercourse, and virginity can also be lost through oral sex, anal sex, etc. How? Because there's more going on than bodily sharing, and such intimacy was created only for a married couple.


When you have sex with somebody, there's more than emotional intimacy. You're also sharing your whole self with that person, and such an awesome experience was meant only for a married couple. Why? Because God created and designed it as a blessing to be shared in a committed relationship that was blessed by God. 


The next problem is when a couple who's not married wants to experience even a small part of this blessing outside of marriage. You know that annoying game siblings play where they're told not to touch the other? The parent says this so that nobody hits the other or whatever. So what's the other one do? They get as close to them as possible, totally in their face, maybe even centimeters from touching them, and claim, "I'm not touching you." True, they're not touching, but the reason for the rule in the first place was not to keep them from touching, but to keep them out of trouble.


God told us to only experience the awesome blessing and gift of sexual contact with our spouses. But our emotions, adrenaline, feelings, hopes, imaginations, hormones, etc. often take over and we want to do other things similar to what we were told not to do. So instead of having intercourse, we do other stuff (like fondling, licking, sucking, caressing private areas, etc.), and then we justify our actions by saying that there's nothing in the rule book saying we can't.

You seem really upset at God...have you told Him all this yourself? If not, why not? Try asking God these questions. Will He answer? Maybe not in the way you expect or hope, but He'll answer, and when He does, you'll know it.


Go on...even in the tone of voice you used in this question. Yell, "God..." Heck, He's God...He can take anything you dish out. And maybe the reason you haven't gotten your answer yet, the one you really want or need to hear, is because you haven't asked Him.

---Pastor Andy

Christian View of Sex

Question:

Explain the Christian argument for chastity.  Explain how Christianity is pro-body and pro-sex, and argues that. 

My Reply:

Pro-body/sex: 
1) God created us as sexual beings.
2) God introduced marriage to us with the first 2 humans (He brought the woman to Adam, as a father does his daughter today, bone of my bone etc. is known as wedding vows, Adam only had 1 wife).

Sex is meant to be within the relationship of a married couple:
The Apostle Paul explains in 1 Corinthians that sex outside of marriage is actually the worst sin you can commit against yourself, for when you have sex with somebody, you actually merge yourself with that person. You've heard that analogy with the tree? A guy sleeps with this girl who's slept with 10 other guys, so technically he’s sleeping with them too...that argument originated in the context of AIDS, but similarly, because sex is not just physical, but also emotional and spiritual, you actually do merge with each person you have sex with.

One explanation of this: in the TV show or movie "Highlander", when they chopped off their enemy-immortals’ heads, they absorbed all the spirits of those whom their victim had killed. If 50 people, they absorb those 50 people's souls, or something.  Sex is kind of like that, in the merging sense.

Another example: you're blue, she's red (primary colors).  When you have sex with each other, you each become purple.  Purple is good if you’re married, but until then, you were created to remain your primary color.  Now say you’re each purple, and you each have sex with others.  You keep mixing in other shades and colors, and soon you don't know what color you are, or you look like those blobs of Play-doh (like the one above) with all the colors mixed into it...and they're so mixed in that you'll never get them back to their original colors.

So you see, Christianity isn't against sex...sex is awesome, feels great, and was created for our pleasure. Otherwise, it wouldn't feel so good (yes, I'm married). 

Christianity is FOR sex.  But if it's going to be blessed by God, and not sinful, then it needs to be in the context in that which God had intended, which is marriage.

---Pastor Andy

Play-Doh ball picture courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/piepkorn/2093606082/