Showing posts with label girlfriend. Show all posts

Long Distance Relationship Advice

Question:

I've moved to Providence about two months ago. Before I left, I started talking to this girl, and she's awesome...I think the feelings are mutual, but I'm not sure...and I'm too shy to ask. How can I without being too straightforward? And if she does like me...is it too far? Or do you think that it'll work? She's two hours away....

My Reply:

1- Too shy to ask: May I suggest you continue to just get to know her then? And when the time is right, when either of you feels confident enough to ask about or mention feelings, then ask. But let your goal be to get to know each other well...take your time and use it as a chance to become more familiar with each other.

2- Too far? (2 hours away): I was talking with a friend the other day about this same situation, really. And I reminded him that before my wife and I were married, she lived 17+ hours away by plane…and today we’re married! So yeah, I'm a believer of long-distance relationships.

How can it work? You communicate through phone, text messaging, internet (chat, voice chat, video chat), send stuff through the mail…and 2 hours away isn't bad...you can still visit at least a few times a month.

So I suggest: take your time, have hope, and work towards it.

---Pastor Andy

Name-Calling Girlfriend

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Question: How many times would you take name calling and accusations from your girlfriend before you've had enough?

My Reply:

2 things come to mind with this:

1) Often times, name calling is how girls fight back in arguments...it's like their way of rising up above you. Many women are not very good at arguments without criticizing and name calling though...so they need to learn a new way, and that often starts with you also learning a new way of working out disagreements. If you love her enough to work things out, then I'd suggest looking into ways of communicating better.

2) If it's just part of her personality, then dude, get out. A good relationship doesn't consist of knocking down and demeaning. And that's not the fruit of love...it's the fruit of hatred. And maybe she doesn't know how to love...but you shouldn't have to be her practice dummy.

---Pastor Andy

One Way Relationship

Question: My girlfriend is a different religion from me, and wants me to change my religion. She says I can't call her because her family doesn't know about me (we're dating secretly because of the religion difference) so I have to wait all day for her to call, just so we can talk. She also keeps changing her mind about us. Sometimes she's ready to marry me, then she's not. I want kids, she doesn't. She decides when we talk or hang out. I feel like I am making all the compromises here! If she keeps changing her mind, I'm afraid she might never agree to marry me. What shall I do?

My Reply:

When we come to know Jesus, He made the 1st huge sacrifice by giving up everything He had so we may live. So giving up everything we are in order to come to know Him, follow Him, and become as Him is only fair. Similarly, relationships with people need to be mutually sacrificial. If you're making all the sacrifices and changes, then neither is she ready, nor is she somebody who you need to be with. I'd also suggest asking her if you were somebody she was attracted to in the beginning because of who you are/were, or because of who she envisioned you as being (reality vs. fantasy world).
Jesus said in Revelation that He'd prefer we either be hot or cold, but to be warm is gross and he spits such people out of His mouth. Elijah also told the Israelites (1 Kings 18) that they should choose either the Lord or Baal, but they should stop wavering back and forth between each. Jesus also said in Matthew 12 that if somebody's not for Him, they're against Him...there's no fence in between. Similarly, your girlfriend's wavering back and forth is something I'd consider to be a red-flag. She needs to make a choice and stick with her decision. If not, then scrap the relationship.
Changing your religion. If you consider yourself a Christian, then you're not in a religion, but a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And so to change your "religion" in that case would be like her telling you who you can be friends with, or like telling you that you can't keep your friends (but then maybe she does that already?)
She decides when you can talk or hang out...this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, bro. She may even be seeing other guys on the side (this would explain a lot of what you've already mentioned, such as the wavering between yes and no to your marriage proposal, kids, you making all the compromises, keeping you a secret, etc.). Just the fact that you've stayed with her this long shows you deserve better.
Finally, the whole "secret lover" thing hits me the wrong way. I once heard somebody say that if you have to keep the relationship a secret, then you shouldn't be in it. Plus, just the fact that she insists on keeping you a secret shows that she's nowhere near ready to be in a committed relationship with you.

What should you do? Honestly, what you're in with her is not a healthy relationship. I'd suggest you get out of it a.s.a.p.

---Pastor Andy

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