Mother needs advice

Question:

I have a 21 Year old son, and he wants his 18 year old girlfriend to move in my house.  As Christians, what should we do when something like this comes along? I feel like sometimes I am too harsh, but at the same time, I feel like I am doing the right thing since they are not married but want to live together.  HE says that her mother doesn't want her living at her house and she has no place to go.  I have put my foot down and we have gotten into many arguments, but still he has gotten me to give in a few times and I've let her spend the night a couple of times.  And now he says that if I don't let her stay here (live here), he is leaving with her and tells me they have no place to go…should I let him go even if he makes it seem like they have no place to go?

My Reply:

I suggest that first you pray.  I'd also like to suggest talking with the girl's parents. See if the girlfriend's really telling it like it is. It's possible that either she or your son's feelings are clouding their judgment and they're saying this to be together. Maybe her parents really did kick her out, or maybe they didn't. You should find this out before taking her in. And if you do decide to let her in, then talking with her parents may help you learn if there's anything you need to know about her first.
As for your son leaving, I really doubt he'll leave, or if so then not for too long. He's probably bluffing a threat (guilt-trip) to get you to give in.
Remember too, if you should let her in, be sure they understand the rules of the house (you're in charge, what you say goes, separate rooms, not permission for sex, etc.). You should also talk with them about what should happen if they break up. Is she out on the streets, or does she continue to live there? You may also suggest she pay rent for the room and help with costs around the house, since technically speaking, she's not your daughter, she is 18, and she is another mouth to feed…just a thought.
Either way though, pray about it first. And if the Lord suggests these things, then ask Him to go before you in the conversations, preparing for the right time and all.

---Pastor Andy

Friend With Benefits Wants Commitment

Picture courtesy of...

Question:

I've been in an 'fwb' (Friends with benefits) situation with a guy for about 4 years. We get all hot and heavy for awhile, but then cool off...and the cycle continues.  (We got together a couple weeks ago after not seeing each other for over a year.  And I don't sleep around.  He is actually the only guy I have slept with in the past 2 years, once last year, once this year).

The first night we hook-up after being apart, he always starts talking about having babies and us getting married, and I start thinking about the 'maybes'. But the next time we talk he says he can't remember saying anything. I feel stupid because I really want all that from him, and I know I'm never going to get it. We've known each other for 15 years and he really is the man of my dreams. 
Is there a way to separate sex and my feelings for him?

My Reply:

Wait a minute...in one sentence you said he's the man of your dreams, but in a previous sentence you said he basically lied by saying he never said something that you're sure he said. So the man of your dreams is a liar?
You sound confused, and I think your emotions for him are leading you blind. If a close friend of yours was in this situation, and she came to you for advice, what would you say to her? And be honest, because it sounds like though you obviously really like him and want a commitment with him, he doesn't, and is really only saying it when things heat up.
My advice to you (because it seems you're asking for some), is to stop looking at the maybes, since you seem to be the only one thinking about them. If the maybes will turn into definites, then they'll either have to take a lot of time with this fellow before they change, or they'll have to be with somebody else who wants the same, and doesn't play you for a fool each time things get heavy.

---Pastor Andy