When it's hard to feel God

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Dear Pastor Andy, I would first like to state that I believe in God, and that I have argued this so much when asking this to others. Anyways, about two months ago I went through a huge crisis of faith, and when it first began I literally felt the Spirit (or presence) of God leave me. I tried so hard to seek Him in those times...and now two months later, I'm sitting here on my laptop, still not feeling that Divine presence in my gut moving. I definitely believe in God. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for all the junk I've done, and that He is the son of God.

I dunno it's like right now I can't sing the worship songs with all my heart, or pray with full care...

And I'm depressed. I don't really want to do anything. From the moment I wake up I look forward to when I get to go back to sleep...get out of here for a good 5-8 hours...

Yesterday I literally came to a place where I didn't care whether God was real or not anymore. I feel like He abandoned me. That I have been crying out to Him and He just doesn't care...

And I can't feel His Love either, and honestly, behind all this I think that's all I really want.

So what would you do? I'm plugged in the word. Seeking. Praying. Even crying. Do you know anyone who has ever been through this? How do I get out?

My Reply:

Friend, God never left you. He's right there with you, whether you feel Him or not.

What I continue to hear you say is how you "feel".  Dude, Satan uses our feelings against all all the time. And why not? We use them to decide our fate in the midst of decision-making. If it feels right, we do it. If it feels wrong, we don't do it. If we feel God's presence, we praise Him boldly. If we don't feel God's presence, we get depressed and question Him. I continue to say, "your feelings will betray you." (you'll also hear this in martial arts films and Star Wars, and they're right too!)

I know what you're talking about, and I believe we all get there sometimes. I'll sometimes pray and not feel His presence, but I still pray. Heck, I'll even start off saying, "Lord I feel like I'm talking to a wall because I don't feel your presence, but I know you're there, so I'll keep talking."

Often times when we get caught in a crisis, we feel like we're in a spiritual fog and can't see or feel anything. But even in the midst of them, Jesus never leaves our side. We just don't know that because of the fog.

2 Suggestions:

1) Read the poem "Footprints in the Sand".

2) Read your Bible. Jesus will meet you there.

Read Psalms if you want to read about David when he felt the same way.

Read the Gospel of John, starting with Jesus in the garden, praying for his disciples. 

Read 1 John to understand more about God's love.

Read the prophets in the Old Testament to understand how and why I can say all this honestly about God never leaving you.

I'll pray for you tonight. Feel free to email me if you like.

---Pastor Andy

Friend With Benefits Wants Commitment

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Question:

I've been in an 'fwb' (Friends with benefits) situation with a guy for about 4 years. We get all hot and heavy for awhile, but then cool off...and the cycle continues.  (We got together a couple weeks ago after not seeing each other for over a year.  And I don't sleep around.  He is actually the only guy I have slept with in the past 2 years, once last year, once this year).

The first night we hook-up after being apart, he always starts talking about having babies and us getting married, and I start thinking about the 'maybes'. But the next time we talk he says he can't remember saying anything. I feel stupid because I really want all that from him, and I know I'm never going to get it. We've known each other for 15 years and he really is the man of my dreams. 
Is there a way to separate sex and my feelings for him?

My Reply:

Wait a minute...in one sentence you said he's the man of your dreams, but in a previous sentence you said he basically lied by saying he never said something that you're sure he said. So the man of your dreams is a liar?
You sound confused, and I think your emotions for him are leading you blind. If a close friend of yours was in this situation, and she came to you for advice, what would you say to her? And be honest, because it sounds like though you obviously really like him and want a commitment with him, he doesn't, and is really only saying it when things heat up.
My advice to you (because it seems you're asking for some), is to stop looking at the maybes, since you seem to be the only one thinking about them. If the maybes will turn into definites, then they'll either have to take a lot of time with this fellow before they change, or they'll have to be with somebody else who wants the same, and doesn't play you for a fool each time things get heavy.

---Pastor Andy

OK Pastor, I Challenge You To A Debate!

Here’s my argument:

ANYTHING is perfectly okay before marriage as long as your virginity remains in tact.  God said not to have sex. He never said anything about hugging, holding hands, kissing, making out, touching, oral, masturbation... Note that all of those things keep your virginity in tact, and therefore cannot be sins, and if even thinking about sex is wrong, then every single person is going to hell.  Also consider; 95% boys masturbate, it is a sexual act.  In fact, even Christian boys masturbate, so if any sexual act is a sin, then masturbating must be a sin too right?  So all those boys are going to hell, even though they gave their life to Christ?  But they’re virgins until they get married, but since they masturbated they have to go to hell.  As for anything with your hands, its just touching another body part, besides God made us naked anyways, so why can't we see each other if we choose to without it being a sin?  So when a mother changes her baby's diaper, she's sinning eh?  Or when a couple holds hand, OH NO THERE TOUCHING THERE GOING TO BURN IN HELLLLLLLLLLL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, they’re still virgins, sometimes it may be slightly sexual, but what isn’t slightly sexual?  So what do you have to say?  This is my statement and I'd love to hear your words. I analyzed your own Bible and your God's words.  Oh, and by the way, might I add that He is against birth control?  WHO IN THEIRE RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO HAVE ALL THOSE CHILDREN???? And He's against mutilation of a body.  Yet, he is a fan of alcohol…He is very contradicting and starting to sound in fact, hypocritical to me…


My Reply:
Honestly, I don't see what your purpose is. Are you trying to justify something you did? Are you trying to justify premarital sexual behavior? What's your purpose? What's your need to know? Why such a venting session on sexual behavior outside of marriage?


You said, "Anything is OK before marriage as long as virginity is in tact".

I think that one of the main problems is when we think of virginity as only physical. Notice, Jesus said that when a man thinks about a woman lustfully, he's sinned against her in his heart. And Paul said that if have sex with a prostitute, we merge our bodies with her. See, sex isn't only intercourse, and virginity can also be lost through oral sex, anal sex, etc. How? Because there's more going on than bodily sharing, and such intimacy was created only for a married couple.


When you have sex with somebody, there's more than emotional intimacy. You're also sharing your whole self with that person, and such an awesome experience was meant only for a married couple. Why? Because God created and designed it as a blessing to be shared in a committed relationship that was blessed by God. 


The next problem is when a couple who's not married wants to experience even a small part of this blessing outside of marriage. You know that annoying game siblings play where they're told not to touch the other? The parent says this so that nobody hits the other or whatever. So what's the other one do? They get as close to them as possible, totally in their face, maybe even centimeters from touching them, and claim, "I'm not touching you." True, they're not touching, but the reason for the rule in the first place was not to keep them from touching, but to keep them out of trouble.


God told us to only experience the awesome blessing and gift of sexual contact with our spouses. But our emotions, adrenaline, feelings, hopes, imaginations, hormones, etc. often take over and we want to do other things similar to what we were told not to do. So instead of having intercourse, we do other stuff (like fondling, licking, sucking, caressing private areas, etc.), and then we justify our actions by saying that there's nothing in the rule book saying we can't.

You seem really upset at God...have you told Him all this yourself? If not, why not? Try asking God these questions. Will He answer? Maybe not in the way you expect or hope, but He'll answer, and when He does, you'll know it.


Go on...even in the tone of voice you used in this question. Yell, "God..." Heck, He's God...He can take anything you dish out. And maybe the reason you haven't gotten your answer yet, the one you really want or need to hear, is because you haven't asked Him.

---Pastor Andy