A Prodigal Daughter

I don't know what's wrong with me- I feel torn and can't quite bring the two ends together. I was raised in a devout Apostolic home. As soon as I could, I turned my back on it, cut my hair, wore make-up and pants, got tattoos and piercings, listened to rock, started smoking and drinking, and married an Atheist.  Well, my daughters are now 7 and 4, I only have my belly-piercing left and a few well-seen regrettable tattoos. The thing is, we live a respectable life, no more outside the norm than most in their late 20's. Now, I don't miss the strict rules of the church, or the submissive woman stance, but I do miss the sense of community and stability. I also miss God. I have claimed to be an Atheist, but I don't think in my heart I really believe that. I want to believe in my Creator and his Son without so many limitations. My hubby says I'm nuts, but I feel really strongly that there has to be more to this life than birth, life and blinked out of existence. My question is: Am I really crazy? Is this just some sort of phase I'll outgrow? And, can I even return to church?

 My Reply:
First, you're not crazy, you're a child of the Most High, and it sounds like He's pursuing you to return to Him.
If you still have your Bible, turn to Luke 15 and read about the Prodigal Son...I'm sure you'll find some similarities in there.
I was answering this question, but lost the page when I was trying to get the right link for you...I think you (and possibly your husband, also) would do well watching the testimony of Brian "Head" Welch (former guitarist of KORN). He came to know the Lord in 2005, and has since written 2 books and appeared on TV programs all over, telling his testimony. One link I found was here:

---Pastor Andy
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