Dear Pastor Andy, I would first like to state that I believe in God, and that I have argued this so much when asking this to others. Anyways, about two months ago I went through a huge crisis of faith, and when it first began I literally felt the Spirit (or presence) of God leave me. I tried so hard to seek Him in those times...and now two months later, I'm sitting here on my laptop, still not feeling that Divine presence in my gut moving. I definitely believe in God. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for all the junk I've done, and that He is the son of God.
I dunno it's like right now I can't sing the worship songs with all my heart, or pray with full care...And I'm depressed. I don't really want to do anything. From the moment I wake up I look forward to when I get to go back to sleep...get out of here for a good 5-8 hours...
Yesterday I literally came to a place where I didn't care whether God was real or not anymore. I feel like He abandoned me. That I have been crying out to Him and He just doesn't care...
And I can't feel His Love either, and honestly, behind all this I think that's all I really want.
So what would you do? I'm plugged in the word. Seeking. Praying. Even crying. Do you know anyone who has ever been through this? How do I get out?
Friend, God never left you. He's right there with you, whether you feel Him or not.
What I continue to hear you say is how you "feel". Dude, Satan uses our feelings against all all the time. And why not? We use them to decide our fate in the midst of decision-making. If it feels right, we do it. If it feels wrong, we don't do it. If we feel God's presence, we praise Him boldly. If we don't feel God's presence, we get depressed and question Him. I continue to say, "your feelings will betray you." (you'll also hear this in martial arts films and Star Wars, and they're right too!)
I know what you're talking about, and I believe we all get there sometimes. I'll sometimes pray and not feel His presence, but I still pray. Heck, I'll even start off saying, "Lord I feel like I'm talking to a wall because I don't feel your presence, but I know you're there, so I'll keep talking."
Often times when we get caught in a crisis, we feel like we're in a spiritual fog and can't see or feel anything. But even in the midst of them, Jesus never leaves our side. We just don't know that because of the fog.
1) Read the poem "Footprints in the Sand".
2) Read your Bible. Jesus will meet you there.
Read Psalms if you want to read about David when he felt the same way.
Read the Gospel of John, starting with Jesus in the garden, praying for his disciples.
Read 1 John to understand more about God's love.
Read the prophets in the Old Testament to understand how and why I can say all this honestly about God never leaving you.
I'll pray for you tonight. Feel free to email me if you like.