One Way Relationship
Question: My girlfriend is a different religion from me, and wants me to change my religion. She says I can't call her because her family doesn't know about me (we're dating secretly because of the religion difference) so I have to wait all day for her to call, just so we can talk. She also keeps changing her mind about us. Sometimes she's ready to marry me, then she's not. I want kids, she doesn't. She decides when we talk or hang out. I feel like I am making all the compromises here! If she keeps changing her mind, I'm afraid she might never agree to marry me. What shall I do?
My Reply:
- When we come to know Jesus, He made the 1st huge sacrifice by giving up everything He had so we may live. So giving up everything we are in order to come to know Him, follow Him, and become as Him is only fair. Similarly, relationships with people need to be mutually sacrificial. If you're making all the sacrifices and changes, then neither is she ready, nor is she somebody who you need to be with. I'd also suggest asking her if you were somebody she was attracted to in the beginning because of who you are/were, or because of who she envisioned you as being (reality vs. fantasy world).
- Jesus said in Revelation that He'd prefer we either be hot or cold, but to be warm is gross and he spits such people out of His mouth. Elijah also told the Israelites (1 Kings 18) that they should choose either the Lord or Baal, but they should stop wavering back and forth between each. Jesus also said in Matthew 12 that if somebody's not for Him, they're against Him...there's no fence in between. Similarly, your girlfriend's wavering back and forth is something I'd consider to be a red-flag. She needs to make a choice and stick with her decision. If not, then scrap the relationship.
- Changing your religion. If you consider yourself a Christian, then you're not in a religion, but a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And so to change your "religion" in that case would be like her telling you who you can be friends with, or like telling you that you can't keep your friends (but then maybe she does that already?)
- She decides when you can talk or hang out...this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, bro. She may even be seeing other guys on the side (this would explain a lot of what you've already mentioned, such as the wavering between yes and no to your marriage proposal, kids, you making all the compromises, keeping you a secret, etc.). Just the fact that you've stayed with her this long shows you deserve better.
- Finally, the whole "secret lover" thing hits me the wrong way. I once heard somebody say that if you have to keep the relationship a secret, then you shouldn't be in it. Plus, just the fact that she insists on keeping you a secret shows that she's nowhere near ready to be in a committed relationship with you.
What should you do? Honestly, what you're in with her is not a healthy relationship. I'd suggest you get out of it a.s.a.p.
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