Marriage Help

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Question:  

I have recently married.  A lot of my friends say it was very early (we've been seeing each-other for a little over a year now, and just moved in, but we're over that now and have settled in).
I've just been noticing that she, once every month or so, gets frustrated and angry at me for petty reasons that usually wouldn't bother her. I've tried bringing it up with her but I continually get the response 'Sorry, it's just my time of the month.' She never gives any more reasoning.
Anyway, last month she kicked me out for being inconsiderate and obnoxious. We had a small argument, but she was rather angry.  She said to come back in a day or two when I'd thought about what I'd done, and apologize.
I'm basically sick and tired of putting up with this, it's beginning to get ridiculous.  I haven't brought it up with her yet, but I've got the documents for divorce.  I am just wondering if you could perhaps give some advice, as I still love her very much, but as I said, it's beginning to get intolerable.

My Reply:

Wow, those are some real confusing and frustrating difficulties!  So all this time, before you married, things were fine, and now after you're married, it's turned into chaos?  That would drive anybody crazy!  

First of all, I want to congratulate the two of you for taking that step of getting married.  Marriage really is awesome!  But at the same time, marriage isn't always going to be warm and cuddly, friendly and happy.  There are times (as you've come to experience), when personalities and backgrounds clash, and things will sometimes get ugly.

Before getting married, I did a lot of research on relationships, basically because I knew that when I got married, it would be something that lasted for the rest of our lives...no escape, lol.  So to help know how to be in a successful, life-long marriage, I read books on relationships, such as Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages", listened to speakers on relationships (find them on YouTube), and asked people I know who've been married for 20+ years (some even dated a short-term before getting married, just as you did).  It's really amazing what we think we know about each other, ourselves, and relationships, but really have no idea.  So do some research, ask people who've been married 20 or more years, and read Gary Chapman's book together, working together on the challenges throughout.

Also, before introducing the divorce documents, I would suggest looking into marriage counseling.  Not because there's anything wrong with either of you, but a marriage counselor can help you both figure out what changed in your relationship since marriage, and how to "bring back that lovin' feeling" that brought the two of you together in the first place.  If you're concerned about finances (as we all are), check out churches, for many Pastors are also trained Marriage Counselors, and I would expect they'd work out something you can afford.

Hang in there, and don't give up...marriage is something that takes work.  If you work together, I have no doubt you'll not only remain married for many decades, but even enjoy each other in the process.

---Pastor Andy