Flirting with the Married

Question:

When is flirting crossing the line?

My husband has this single female co worker, who is always having 'men dramas' and telling him about it.
The other day they facebook-chatted.  She started the conversation, then proceeded to go into detail about her personal life.  Last night she messaged him again on facebook, and I got really angry and upset, for I was annoyed that she was talking to my husband about such personal matters.  I think this woman is crossing the line!  My husband says he will talk to her, about her comments etc........but little things like this have been going on for months, and I’m sick of it.  I understand that people in the workplace talk, but I know that I certainly don't talk that personally with my married co-workers.  I just feel that this is going too far.  

It’s honestly taking all my power not to message her myself and tell her to back off!
What should I do?

My Reply:

I agree with you that she shouldn’t be sharing such personal issues at the workplace, but the main problem doesn’t actually seem so much to be the girl, but with your husband.  And as long as your husband gives her the attention, she'll continue to communicate with him as often as she can, and as you said, for months he’s been telling you he’ll talk with her about her comments and all, but it’s still going on.  So the question to ask is why your husband feels the need to talk and listen to her, especially when he knows it's troubling you?

In Counseling, therapy, social work, or Pastoral care, it's always highly advised that the "subject" be of the same gender as the professional. That way, there are no confusions about words, attractions, or possible relationships brewing from intimate conversations. In the same way, if this woman who's speaking with your husband needs to talk with somebody for advice, comfort, therapy, venting, etc., then she should really talk with somebody of the same gender. And your husband should be the one to suggest this.  And just the fact that neither has shows that each enjoys the attention, her coming to him and him listening, which throws up a red flag.

As for your question about flirting: flirting with somebody who's married doesn't need boundaries...it's just wrong altogether. Somebody who's flirting with somebody other than their spouse is also wrong altogether. But though the woman is obviously enjoying the attention your husband's giving her, the question to ask is why your husband so much enjoys the "special" attention she's giving him.

---Pastor Andy