Why the Delay on Finding the Perfect Woman for Me?

Question:

I've had the worst time dating, you know, zero luck. I know God has someone out there for me, but why is it taking so long? What do I need to change?

My Reply:
Disclaimer: the fellow who asked the question is a very good friend of mine, more like a water-related little brother (we're related through baptism), so I know some background  to his question that's not included here.  So with that said:

First, I want you to know that I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from.

When I was in college, I planned to be married with at least 1 child by the age of 27, and dated a lot in hopes of finding the woman I’d marry.  But none of these women deserved my love, nor did they fully receive it on their end. I didn't know that at the time, but Jesus did.  I dated them because every one of them had a quality that I liked and wanted in a future wife.  I even made a mental list of what I wanted and needed in a wife, or at least what I thought I needed.  But it turned out that God had a different (though somewhat similar) list that HE had made up for me.  But first He needed time to mold and transform me into the guy that He had set up on my future wife's list.  Also, at that time she was in a different place in her life, and God also needed to transform her into what I'd wanted/needed.  Yes, we finally met, but it wasn’t until I was 34.  When you realize that I’d been praying for her since my early 20s, that's a LONG TIME to wait & hope!  But it all had to be perfect timing, which can only happen on God's watch.

I think the most interesting part was how we found each other, for we weren’t looking for each other at all.  Have you ever notice that when you’re not looking for something, you see it laying around all the time, but once you’re looking for it, you can’t find it anywhere?  When you look at the girls I was dating and picking to date, I wasn't doing a very good job...neither was my now-wife with her choice of guys.  It wasn’t until we were NOT looking that the Lord was able to finally introduce us to each other, and He introduced us at the PERFECT time.

I know the wait is difficult.  Trust me I know. And you're going to want to take the search out of God’s hands when you see a woman you're interested in. But seriously, leave it in God's hands.  Have you ever heard that poem, "Let Go, Let God"? (Google it). It's not until we fully let go of what it is we're dealing with and fully give it up to Jesus that He can take it and deal with it. I say “can” because as long as you continue to search for that one girl yourself, you're not letting God bring the 2 of you together. 

Why haven’t you met yet?  It's possible that, as it was with me, you’re not currently what she needs. It also sounds that, as it was with me, that you've probably been dating the same type of (wrong) woman all your life. Though they may have different styles, education, wisdom, intellect, looks, etc., they're all the same in that they're not the right one for you.  So the Lord needs to transform you, and her, into who you each need to be for each other. You need to TRUST that God has everything planned out, and is working on you both.  I mean, you’ve got to figure, He created the perfect woman for Adam…everything he wanted, and needed, much of which he didn’t even realize until he met her.
I'd like to share a prayer that a once-single woman prayed:

"Dear God, I prayed, all unafraid (as we’re inclined to do), I do not need a handsome man, but let him be like You;

I do not need one big and strong, nor yet so very tall, nor need he be some genius, or wealthy, Lord, at all;

But let his head be high, dear God, and let his eye be clear, his shoulders straight, whatever his state, whatever his earthly sphere;

And let his face have character, a ruggedness of soul, and let his whole life show, dear God, a singleness of goal;

Then when he comes (as he will come) with quiet eyes aglow, I’ll understand that he’s the man I prayed for long ago."  --Ruth Bell Graham

So in the same way, for now, continue to pray here (the woman that God has for you), focus on other aspects of your life, getting closer every day to Jesus, and let HIM deal with your love life on His terms and timing.

---Pastor Andy